Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
