Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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