i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
