my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
