Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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