if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
