i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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