you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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