I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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