Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
