I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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