Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
