I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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