All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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