but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
