Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
