Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
