ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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