I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
