It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
