we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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