I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i came on her dog
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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