i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
