Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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