Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
