i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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