It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
