Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
