you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
