i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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