Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
