So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
