I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
