dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
