Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
