I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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