I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
What a dumb baby whore.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
