So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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