dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
