dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
