fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
