Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
