brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
