Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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