Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
