We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
