just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
