I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
