sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
