I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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