Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
A+ Viking dick
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
