Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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