his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
