my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
