Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
