why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
